did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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