Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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