You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
