When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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