K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
