In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
