I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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