"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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