and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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