if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
