So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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