It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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