You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
