he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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