just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.