i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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