Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.