Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.