To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
