Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times