And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...