Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize