YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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