I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
