Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
