i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
