Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
