she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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