bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize