Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
