College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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