Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
