C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
