He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
