By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize