Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
