I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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