you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
