Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
