4 words: hood of his car
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
