i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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