Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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