If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
