Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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