The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
