Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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