wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
