dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize