I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
