were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
