How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
