Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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