someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
