I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
