she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
