Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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