Your dad touched me again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
