The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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