xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize