I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
