She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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