My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
