It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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