Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
