hell yes lets make some ravioli
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i will never coherently bang her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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