I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
