This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
