Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
