I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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