He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
