apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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