My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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