I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
