his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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