my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
