My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
