whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
