my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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