What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
