well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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