Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
