Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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