Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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