My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
