I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope mine doesn't look like that
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
