it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
