you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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