No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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