Redeem this text for a blowjob
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
