3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Text me some of your sweat
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