You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
