hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
