This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
