it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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